Art by Isicera Dew
Being myself is a disaster, but it’s a happy one.
If I am evil, then I will be consistent.
If I am evil, then I am not evil without cause.
If I am evil according to what the world says, then it is what it is.
If my very existence is evil, then let me be evil to the fullest and conquer the world with the glory that is myself.
To be evil is to be complex.
To be evil is to constantly live with ambition.
If my survival means that evil must win the day, so be it.
I am the villain that returns no matter how often the hero has slayed me.
I am the villain who navigates this world that was not meant for me.
If goodness is not available to me, then I will claim what is offered to me.
I shall play my part to the fullest and without regrets.
I will support my associates in their survival.
For if we are all evil, we must understand that survival comes only through partnership.
However, this is not a partnership without limits.
Evil is selfishness.
We will not sacrifice ourselves for others’ comfort or survival.
If we are evil, then we need not give of ourselves to anyone.
If we are evil, then we exist contrary to laws and will always determine ourselves.
If we are evil, then we are our own.
Reflection [i]:
It's important to validate yourself even when you think you are evil. Too much of the idea and practice of self-affirmation is about being good or being nice or being otherwise hegemonically aligned (beautiful, kind, powerful) or like that bs #positivevibesonly or good vibes all day long.
I know for myself it is really hard to feel this way about myself when every villain is often a caricature of marginalised identities, and every hero is a glorified image of the world that wants to destroy me and those I love. I mourn the wicked because I will mourn for myself.
As marginalised folks and villains, we should take pride in our ability to fuck up room upon entry, to reveal people's true selves. We see shit no one else can. Rather, we see what no one wants to. We note the shadows in the room, the writing on the wall. We “disrupt” for our survival, for our joy, for ourselves.
Maybe it's okay if we are Ursula, the exiled sea witch
And Maleficent, the fairy they call evil for no reason.
The sorting hat placed us in Slytherin for the tenth time.
Don’t take the Pottermore quiz again.
Smile and greet the sun or moon, whichever is kinder to you.
Maybe you are evil,
The villain,
The antagonist,
And that’s okay.
[i] I chose Maleficent and Ursula because these are the villains that have the strongest connection with. I chose Slytherin because not only am I a Slytherin, but many of my friends who themselves are maginalised people are also. However, I urge you to substitute these choices with those that reflect best your experiences and your community.
[ii] In the Igbo Christian tradition in which I was raised, reflection often followed prayer. Similarly, as I wrote this affirmation, I included a reflection. The purpose of this reflection in a way is to validate the affirmation but also hopefully enhance the effect of it.
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Image description:
A dark-skinned femme is shown scaling rocky terrain barefoot. They have visible muscles and are flexing one arm. The other arm is more like a long, silver drill bit. They have on a green dress, a gold band on one thigh, and natural hair worn up and fastened with gold. Spikes appear on their shoulders. Text above the person reads, "If my very existence is evil, then let me be evil to the fullest and conquer the world with the glory that is myself.
About OAO:
OAO is a disabled black femme, who when not trying to pass as a cisgender, heterosexual abled black woman at work, spends their time at home chatting with friends online, reading manga (usually yaoi) and surfing YouTube. They are also an editor here at Rest for Resistance.
About Isicera Dew:
Isicera is a neurodivergent, trans, mixed artist of spirit. She is on this planet to integrate Mutually Beneficial Consent Based Omnivorism into all systems. She shares these concepts more intuitively via consciousness enhancing tapestries available on etsy and fuels her ability to create and share thanks to people supporting her on Patreon. She’s passionate about body positivity, systems theory, food, communication, and the wisdom each being has to share to make the world a better place.
