Communication is super, super important. Yet no one really taught me how to communicate about sex. I’ve begun to ask myself why I am so afraid to be seen.
2018 was a slow year. There wasn’t a lot of air, and it could have been hard to make ourselves understood. What we always lack vocabulary for is our feelings. We don’t know how to express them without navigating through the shame of being a feeling person first. We don’t know how to ask without demanding. And we don’t know how to express acceptance.
All the retrogrades of 2018 stalled us, so that we could finally sit down and take the time to work through some of the things that we thought we forgot about. 2019 will be more direct, with neither Mars nor Venus retrograding all year. Saturn approaches a close conjunction with Pluto, and all of our pent up stress will take control of our lives unless we practice full awareness.
Try this: sit where you are sitting and find one thing to see, one sound to hear, one thing to feel, and one thing to smell. Can’t find anything? Smell yourself! There’s no shame in it.
Practice this grounding technique when it gets too much for you in 2019. Jupiter is home now, baby, and our eyes are getting crossed looking at everything that’s going on all the fucking time. Saturn and Pluto comes together, offering the opportunity to learn our shame and desire at the same time.
You’ll want to put yourself under a tremendous amount of pressure this year and, sometimes, that’s okay as long as you feel in control of your own goals. Understand that how you have internalized the expectations others have for you has led to shame. You can’t afford this shame anymore because your goals are too good for it. When you aren’t compassionate with other people, that’s a sign that you’re not compassionate with yourself. It’s okay to be strong, but true strength comes from embracing yourself every night.
Not everyone agrees with you but that doesn’t make you wrong. It doesn’t make you right either because being right is a precarious position that comes only from being heavy with privilege. You can allow yourself to be wrong and also allow yourself to exist in your own way, according to your own principles. You don’t have to argue the loudest to make your voice heard, but you do have to speak in a way that answers to your own sense of justice in order to be understood by yourself. Allow your views space to come into clarity, and the rest will take care of itself.
Love is what you make it, and there’s no reason why you have to love in any way that makes you feel less true to yourself. You are allowed to change your mind about who you love and how you want to be loved at any stage in the game. Make your first priority to stay accountable to your own ethics of what it means to share someone in your life and communicate with your partner(s) to make those expectations known. Then, all you have to do is the difficult task of holding yourself accountable. No one else will do that for you.
You can let yourself get bossy because that just means you’re halfway towards becoming a boss. Be the boss on how you accept people in your life. You can’t afford to be there for that friend who is always in crisis mode anymore and neither can you rely on trauma bonding to create an illusion of emotional intimacy that isn’t actually there. Work on meeting your commitments so that you respect the person you show to other people. Honor your own needs, and ask for what you deserve with wisdom.
You’re busy this year, and that can take a toll on your body. Make sure you’re not harming yourself because your vivacious appetite for life can surpass your physical limits. Taking time off from work, from social commitments, and from being “on” for others is necessary for you to sustain your mental health. You definitely know how to get the most out of a busy schedule, but do you know how to love your body? This year, dare to have the courage to take time away from having a life or making a living and just exist in your aliveness without anyone’s eyes getting in your way.
You’re afraid of love. What are you afraid of? Are you afraid of falling and getting bruised again, or are you afraid that you can’t control your own emotions when you feel so strongly for someone else? Life is asking you for just a breath of courage, which will make you stronger than you ever thought possible. It’s worth it to risk pain because if anyone is resilient, it’s you. Your own space is sacred, but that just means that letting another soul in there will make it even more holy. Risk everything and fall in love.
There’s something you need to detach yourself from, even if that means losing the person who you thought you were for many years. It’s okay. You’re not that person anymore, and neither should you be. Time passes and doesn’t leave anyone behind. Let go of that old persona, who wanted to be everyone’s bedrock, who had to swallow their losses to keep a strong face. You’re a far more compassionate human being than that person of the past.
There’s people who can’t see how great you are because you won’t let them. The ways you choose your language gives shape to your emotional form. You can’t navigate your path to emotional health without giving yourself a way to see your thoughts playing out in action. Establish a proper dialogue with yourself this year, so that you see your emotional narrative playing out in real time. Take time to write three pages to yourself every morning so that you have a place where you can be honest without fear.
If you want true abundance in yourself, you have to first consider the possibility that you just might be truly worth it. Your low self-esteem is getting in the way of asking and receiving from the world. Stop hiding the self that you wish others didn’t see. You’re worth the applause and attention that you get. You deserve material security, and you deserve to have a high valuation of your own gifts. When you pretend to yourself that you don’t, you shame yourself for wanting anything and avoid taking care of your own basic needs.
It’s okay for you to feel like things are slipping out of your control this year. Try not to overreact to every small thing because you’ll lose track of being present in real time when you do that. You don’t feel quite the same as you did a while back, and you get to have the opportunity of being a social maverick this year. You’re the one who stands up for the injustices that everyone has been feeling for years and didn’t want to speak out on. It’s not an easy position to take but one that you can handle with grace. Don’t forget to ask for support as you stand up for your case.
There’s something that you have been afraid to do because you simply haven’t felt like you are quite capable of it. There’s an insecurity that you haven’t faced, because you’ve spent your entire life trying to dodge it. This year, you can’t dodge it anymore. You have to be honest with yourself about what it is you want to achieve and build in the world. This puts you at a more vulnerable position than simply being a dissident. It’s time for you to be vulnerable because you can handle it now. Answer your needs honestly, and you will be rewarded.
The thing is, everyone else is just as afraid of you as you are of them. You have no reason to live in fear of social judgment. Crowds of people don’t have to be your authority anymore because you’re willing to do what it takes to go against the grain and come out alive. Don’t be scared with your friends; give them the love you want them to give you. If you’re cynical about your friendships, that’s due to too much cynicism with yourself. Find a group that you can rely on to tell you the hard things in life with kindness.
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An illustration of the night sky. The numbers “2019” appear in purple in the middle. Each corner has a different constellation related to an astrological sign. The four signs featured are capricorn the sea-goat, pisces the fish, scorpio the scorpion, and taurus the bull.
About Alice Sparkly Kat:
Alice Sparkly Kat is a queer, PoC astrologer based in Brooklyn who does readings in person and by phone. Learn more at alicesparklykat.com.
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