Rest For Resistance

In "Honor, the Scorned," Xelestial's soul is in constant turmoil with the encounters of love she has in her life, as well as her insistence and demand to be seen under her terms. We enter a transient space of time and magic in this performance ritual with Xelestiál's body, heart, and soul.

Because we encompass gender defiant ideologies and reject the mainstream, we who visibly navigate queerness, who practice transfeminism, miss out on the queer capitalist extravaganza that everyone else benefits from.

Pride can look like resting with our ancestors, resting with the ones who paved the road of the movement blocks that guide our liberation.

I’ve finally allowed myself to be honest with myself. And as a result, I’m able to be honest with my partner.

They’ll talk Native issues so it seems like they care / But LGBTQ2S issues are Native issues because we’ve always been here

Family meant loving what was not there. But then we grow up. And we learn that to draw close is to survive. And to draw close is maybe even something desirable.

Does adoption count as something chosen? What part? For whom?

Be vulnerable / Speaking your truth / Even when it shaves your soul / Naked / Leaves your heart in tears / Sheds your fear in pieces

I proceeded to tell them what happened. I didn’t have much in the way of details—believing that’s what they wanted to hear—but what I did share left them in a state of slack-jawed shock. They asked me to imagine for a moment if I had done to her what she had done to me, where I might be at that very moment.

I know few get the opportunity to heal. That’s the motivation that drives me to do healing justice work. But in offering community support, I often forget that I’m part of the community too, that I deserve access to heal from trauma. And those “I don’t deserve _____s” are all giving voice to my survivor’s guilt.

Past experiences of broken confidence held me back, and I had even less confidence that I would be able to find a queer competent, POC identified behavioral health professional with sexual assault experience who was worth investing time, money, and trust in.

Communication is super, super important. Yet no one really taught me how to communicate about sex. I’ve begun to ask myself why I am so afraid to be seen.

A video featuring Eve Xelestiál Moreno-Luz. “My perception as a self identified femme brings forth waves of validation to the divine I know myself to be.”

I stopped being at the mercy of other healers when I began to heal myself.

There are things I want to do all the time, like … I have ambitions, I do, really … want to be there for people, but…

Even if there is tension among your bio family, you are still loved and honored for who you are in the other spaces you create for yourself. No one can take that from you.

Christmas started bullying me; during sleepless nights it showed a carousel of pictures of my childhood: the primary love I thought I had but deeply marked me, carers who gave me unhealthy bonding, yet carers who I deeply miss.

Still no matter how much I try to resist it / I wax nostalgic for a person who never existed

Often, I wonder if I love women because I’m tired of being hurt by men. In effect, I have the same question many queer survivors have: am I queer because I was abused?

I’m not doing it on purpose, I promise. But when I’m in the bathroom alone I look at myself in the mirror and I go to a dark place within my own body, somewhere that I haven’t yet exorcised and burnt incense in.

fuck you! / and now you want me to speak like a martyr? / well I am still alive and much smarter

As we dream of ways to change our world by embodying a more radical self-care and community care, let’s make sure that we don’t leave members of our community or those who could be part of our community behind.

this water offers resolve. / —Touches every part of my body / & does not flinch (Poem also available en español)

You there, you are Sacred & I am Sacred too. / Every one & Every being provides a purpose. / No purpose too small, for even our Beetle Brothers & Sisters bring us a Message.

Once I began to receive my benefits, I began to distance myself from an idea that productivity defines whether I am deserving of respect.

Wanting to take space as a fat brown genderqueer femme is all fun and games until the folks who domineer the space take notice.

I don't know what God meant to do by putting something so un-straight on top of a head so un-straight, but there are reasons they say this is unmanageable / Not because it is impossible to love, or to care for, but because it is impossible to subdue. 

I’d like to think of this as a chance to force people to confront the differences between sex and romance. They don't always coexist.

This May, Rest for Resistance is featuring writers who have a chronic mental health condition. Support our contributors on patreon.com/qtpoc, or donate directly through our website.